• Sinead Smythe

Seriously Drained

I’m going to be totally honest and open up to you all which is going to be extremely difficult for me to do but here we are, I want to try make a difference to my life and YOURS. I’ve been feeling extremely heavy the past couple months. I found myself in a very dark place and I’m still on the journey of getting better. January 2021 - I felt as if there was no way out, I just wanted everything to stop. I’m normally someone who can pull themselves back up, flip all the negatives into positives but I couldn’t. I am physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted. Even waking up from a sleepless night, not wanting to speak to anyone, wanting to shut off completely, just be silent. My anxiety has been the worst it’s ever been. I feel empty, I feel sadness in the pit of my belly. I am depressed. I began to feel selfish for feeling this way! My life isn’t all bad, there are people who are SO much worse off than me, WHY am I feeling this way? I need to man the fuck up.

Now this is when I tell you. We are allowed to feel this way. Somebody else’s worse day could be something so minor to us! Somebody else minor problems could be the worst that could ever happen to us! We are all different, we all experience everything in such different ways. We are allowed to feel the emotions we do, even if theres no real routed reason to it.

I wouldn’t say I’m back to being me, in-fact I’m not even sure I’m close yet but I am on the road and I am determined to be happy. Life is so precious and we all deserve to live a great one!

I started therapy, I’m now on my 8th week. Sometimes I feel as if it helps, sometimes I have anxiety about attending and think ‘fuck this shit’ but I push myself to do it and always thank myself after, even if I don’t want too. I personally decided to start medication, for me personally it’s helped whereas when I was younger and chose medication, it didn’t.

Life at the moment is absolutely crazy. We are living through a pandemic, as well as a chronic illness, as well as mental health. Our minds and lives are so fragile and we need to do everything we can to be on the right path to getting better. Whether you suffer with mental health, a chronic illness or not. YOU ARE SO IMPORTANT.

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